I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
