thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize