you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
