Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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