Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i will never coherently bang her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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