Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
