Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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