Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
