i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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