my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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