I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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