i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
