you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
