Taylor Swift is so right about you.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
