and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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