he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
