I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
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