I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Randomize
