Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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