I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
