"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
