She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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