I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
