fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
