kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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