Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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