Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The beer is more important than you right now.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
sex in a hospital.. check
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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