Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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