I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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