I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
