I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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