I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
