found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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