So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
