dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize