he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
