bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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