Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
