We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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