How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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