I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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