Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
