3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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