Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
