you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
