I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
