It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
