Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
