Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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