you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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