i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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