It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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