You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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