Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
