So drunk its hurt
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
