you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I deserve this hangover.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
