I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
