You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Randomize
