Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A+ Viking dick
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize