You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
