you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
