I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
