i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i think i have herpe
just one?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
