Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize