Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
